How to Spot a Narcissist

Strategies for Navigating Narcissistic Relationships

By Ashley Robinson, MA, LPC

What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

The DSM-5 for Narcissistic Personality Disorder identifies a pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, and lack of empathy. (American Psychiatric Association, 2013). A narcissistic person will exaggerate achievements and have a sense of entitlement. They have a lack of empathy and will take advantage of others for personal gain. They demonstrate arrogance and envy of others or believe others are envious of them. Those with narcissistic personality disorder need excessive admiration and favorable treatment. They do not like to be challenged.

The Six Types of Narcissism

Dr. Ramani Durvasula, Licensed Clinical Psychologist and expert on narcissism, shares that there are 6 different subtypes of narcissism. The first is grandiose narcissism. This is the overt type who are charming, charismatic, and entitled. The second type is the covert or vulnerable narcissist. This type may display “chronic victimhood” and social anxiety (Greatness Clips - Lewis Howes, 2025). Additionally, they are passive aggressive, lash out when they do not get their way, complain, and are unpleasant around others (Greatness Clips - Lewis Howes, 2025). The third type is the malignant narcissist. These types of people have traits of narcissism, psychopathy, and machiavellianism, which is named the dark triad (Greatness Clips - Lewis Howes, 2025). Machiavellianism means being emotionally cold, manipulative, and having a cynical view of human nature.

The fourth type is the communal narcissist. This person seeks public attention and wants to be admired for their "good works". Behind closed doors, however, is a different story. This could look like acting like a saint or superior to others in public, but are abusive and neglectful in private. The next type of narcissist is the self-righteous narcissist. This person is judgmental, moralistic, rigid, and sees themselves as superior to others (Greatness Clips - Lewis Howes, 2025). The sixth type of narcissist is the neglectful narcissist. They interact when they need something and discard you, leaving you feeling worthless to them (Greatness Clips - Lewis Howes, 2025).

Signs of Narcissistic Manipulation in Relationships

“Narcissists are masterful at getting what they want” (DoctorRamani, 2019). Narcissists use telling sad stories to emotionally manipulate and create an excuse for their behaviors (DoctorRamani, 2019). One common manipulation tactic is gaslighting. This means they twist the narrative to make themselves the victim (DrRamani, 2019). They make you believe a story that isn’t reality or convince you that you’re the problem. They make you think something is wrong with you, that it’s all your fault, or that you’re crazy. Narcissistic victimhood looks like always blaming others instead of taking accountability and always thinking they’re right. You may notice that a narcissist makes you feel like you don’t have a voice and you’re not truly being heard or understood. They may come off as intimidating and need power and control. With an attempt to try to defend yourself, they cannot seem to comprehend your experiences. It may feel like a struggle to explain and it leads you to a dead end. They invalidate your feelings and this is where you see a lack of empathy. You also see a lack of remorse. They may apologize, but they are not truly sorry and that will reflect in the lack of changed behavior. Take notice, does this person portray that they have a perfect life on the outside? Do they crave attention and admiration from others? Do they talk about themselves a lot, but neglect to ask about you? These may be signs there is a narcissist in your life.

How to Recognize Narcissistic Behavior

It is difficult to spot a narcissist, but once you see the signs and realize, you can take note of their behaviors and ulterior motives. When there is not a conflict or confrontation, you may notice things are calm and there are no issues. You may have enjoyable moments with them. To unmask the narcissist, during an argument, start off by appearing unbothered, not providing an emotional reaction (DoctorRamani, 2025). They want to provoke an emotional reaction as they stay calm, and then they turn it around and that’s when they gaslight you. “The key ultimately to getting the narcissistic person unmasked…” is by setting up other people to get screwed by the narcissist so they see the behavior (DrRamani, 2025). Take note, these types of people come off as charming and may appear kind, but once confronted, their true thoughts and feelings come out. They are also good at telling you what you want to hear rather than being genuine.

Logical Fallacies and Manipulation Tactics

If you take time to reflect on their arguments, you may see the use of logical fallacies. One type of logical fallacy is a false dichotomy, which means providing two options as though they are the only choices. For example, you either love me and want me in your life or you don’t. Another type of logical fallacy is appeal to emotion. They may guilt trip you and make you feel bad for not bowing to their beck-and-call. Other common tactics are using ad hominems or red herrings. Red herrings just distract from the actual issue. Ad hominems are attacking your character instead of discussing the problem. A straw man argument is misinterpreting what someone says. An example is you said to this person, “I’m upset you aren’t helping me” and their response is “I’m the worst”. That is not what you meant and now you are left feeling defensive, like you have to explain yourself.

How to Navigate a Narcissistic Relationship

Gray Rocking and Avoiding Emotional Reactions

I am going to include a few strategies that are effective for responding to a narcissist. An important thing to realize about narcissists is they need a "narcissistic supply”. Someone who will “feed” their ego and agree with them and validate them. The first strategy to communicate with narcissists is not “taking the bait” (DrRamani, 2025). Once you realize the narcissist’s tactics, you will find that they are seeking an emotional reaction. A common term that describes this strategy of not “taking the bait” is grayrocking. Grayrocking means not engaging, not talking, or arguing (DrRamani, 2020). When you use this strategy, you cut off the narcissistic supply and it will frustrate and confuse them (DrRamani, 2020). Their true colors will show. This is how you build your strength and you feel empowered that they no longer hold the control over you. They may be combative, but at some point, they need a new person to be their narcissistic supply (DrRamani, 2020). You can also respond in a way where you are not expressing any emotion so what used to rile you up doesn’t show anymore. This makes their tactics no longer effective.

Ending the Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse

It is difficult to end the cycle of abuse because there is an experience of reinforcement and emotional, verbal, mental, or physical abuse or neglect. If you have experienced a narcissist in your family history, it may have become normalized and you repeat the patterns. You may have a narcissistic family member, friend, partner, or colleague. Narcissists take advantage of kind and empathetic people. This leads you to remember the “happy moments” or good times and then justify the abuse or neglect in some way. Justifying the abuse or neglect may look like self-blame and low self-worth or idealizing the positive. It is important to talk with someone to process your experiences and gain insight into what you are experiencing and how to break free from it. For help and support in dealing with a narcissist in your life, please reach out to me at 484-374-2548 or ashley@compasscaa.com.

References

American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders (5th ed.). https://doi.org/10.1176/appi.books.9780890425596

DrRamani. (2019). The narcissist's manipulation tactics (30 DAYS OF NARCISSISM) - Dr. Ramani

Durvasula [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=njtyCWdkadg

DrRamani. (2025). Unmasking the narcissist without saying a word [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZiHkOFTURlg&t=163s

DrRamani. (2020). What happens when you go "gray rock"? [Video]. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmksB-SIvtA

Greatness Clips - Lewis Howes. (2025). The 6 types of narcissists! Dr. Ramani Durvasula [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RfMq0nES0WQ