Why Therapy Can Be a Gift During the Holiday Season

(Especially When Our Families Turn Us Back into Teenagers)

By Jaime DePaolo, MA – Mental Health Clinician

The holidays have a funny way of stirring things up, even when life feels steady. We gather with loved ones, try to keep the peace over mashed potatoes, and suddenly we’re back in familiar emotional territory.

Some moments feel warm and connected.

Others feel overwhelming, tense, or strangely familiar—like that sudden shift from functioning adult to our teenage selves at the dinner table, unsure of what to say or how to say it. Sometimes it’s both at the same time… because being human is layered like that.

And yet many people still hesitate to explore therapy. I often hear:

• “I don’t want to drudge up the past.”

• “I’m functioning—therapy is for people who are really struggling.”

• “Talking to a stranger about my feelings? Hard pass.”

• “I should be able to handle this on my own.”

These thoughts are completely normal. Therapy has long been portrayed as a last resort or a place where you’re expected to relive every childhood memory. In reality, it’s far more grounded and gentle than that. Often, it’s simply a space to understand ourselves, our relationships, and the patterns that feel louder around the holidays.

Why the Holidays Can Feel Like an Emotional Time Machine

The holiday season has a special talent for activating old emotional wiring:

• We slip into old family roles without meaning to

• Certain comments—or silence—hit old wounds

• Expectations feel heavier

• Grief and joy sit right next to each other

• Loneliness can show up even in a full room

Nothing brings out the inner 14-year-old quite like someone asking:

“So… seeing anyone?”

Suddenly, our careers, confidence, and adult coping skills vanish, and we’re back to blinking awkwardly at the ceiling. This isn’t regression. It’s the way memory, attachment, and the nervous system respond to familiar environments.

“Family interactions can activate old attachment patterns that persist well into adulthood, especially in emotionally charged gatherings.”— Kobak & Bosmans, 2019

Therapy helps us understand these shifts instead of getting swallowed by them.

Therapy Isn’t About Blame — It’s About Understanding

Relational therapy isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s about:

• Understanding how your past shaped your present

• Seeing what your emotions are trying to protect

• Recognizing roles learned in your family system

• Noticing when those patterns resurface

• Learning new ways to respond instead of react

“Exploring family-of-origin experiences in therapy helps individuals integrate past and present selves, fostering both insight and emotional flexibility.”— Johnson & Greenberg, 2019

It’s less, “My parents ruined everything,” and more:

“This makes sense now… and I get to choose how I show up going forward.”

Understanding is not blame. Understanding is freedom.

Why Therapy Can Be Especially Meaningful During the Holidays

Beginning—or deepening—therapy around this season can help you:

• Navigate family dynamics with more ease

• Set boundaries with less guilt (progress, not perfection!)

• Make space for grief or longing

• Stay grounded when old emotional habits resurface

• Enjoy the meaningful parts of the season without pretending

• Find humor and humanity in the messiness

“Periods of heightened family contact, such as holidays, can amplify both stress and connection, making them potent opportunities for therapeutic growth.”— Leach & Braithwaite, 2022

You don’t need a crisis to reach out. Sometimes therapy is the place where you finally exhale. Where you can say, “This is a lot,” without feeling dramatic. If the holidays bring both hope and heaviness, joy and stress, closeness and old emotional discomfort… you’re not doing anything wrong.

You’re human.

You Don’t Have to Carry Everything Alone

Therapy can be a warm, steady place to land. A space to be met exactly where you are today—not who you were in your childhood living room.

Not because you’re broken.

But because:

• Relationships matter

• Emotional clarity matters

• Support matters

• You don’t have to “strong-friend” your way through every season

And truly, one of the best gifts you can give yourself is permission to be understood, supported, and held. Even if (and especially if) you’re usually the one holding everyone else.

If You’re Ready for Support, We’re Here

As relational therapists, we believe people heal in connection, not isolation. If you’ve been thinking about starting therapy—or returning to it—there’s room for you here.

Learn more about our services:

• Individual Counseling

• Family & Relationship Support

• Coping With Loss During the Holidays

Ready to reach out? Contact us today!