Social Media and Kids: When Scrolling Starts Affecting Mental Health
Social media and kids is a conversation I find myself having more and more as a school counselor. I have talked with students who are exhausted because they stayed up too late on their phones, upset over something a friend posted, or frustrated because they feel like everyone else's life looks better than theirs. I also have students come into my office for something completely unrelated, and somehow, their phone ends up becoming part of the conversation.
They may be worried about being left out of a group chat, checking who viewed their story, or comparing themselves to people they follow without even realizing how much it is affecting their confidence. That is where the conversation gets a little more complicated.
I don't think we can look at social media as something that is simply good or bad for kids. There are plenty of positive things that can come from it. Kids can stay connected with friends, find people who share their interests, learn something new, or even feel less alone. For many teenagers, their online world is simply part of their social life.
Research has raised concerns about connections between social media use and adolescent mental health, including anxiety, depression, body image concerns, and sleep problems (Office of the Surgeon General, 2023). If social media has become a source of stress for your child, support is available through Compass Counseling and Associates.
How Social Media Can Affect Kids' Mental Health
It Isn't Always About the Number of Hours
When parents ask me how much screen time is "too much," I understand why they want a number. A number feels easier to measure. But two kids can spend the exact same amount of time on social media and have completely different experiences.
One child might spend an hour sending funny videos to friends. Another might spend that same hour looking at pictures and wondering why they don't look like the people on their screen. I want to know what a child is doing online, how they feel while they are doing it, and what happens when they put the phone down.
The American Psychological Association has pointed out that social media can have both benefits and risks for adolescents. The experience can depend on how social media is being used, what young people are seeing, and what is already happening in their lives (American Psychological Association, 2023).
A child who is already dealing with anxiety, loneliness, insecurity, or feeling left out may experience social media very differently than a child who feels confident and connected. And I don't want parents to automatically assume that a child who can't put their phone down is being lazy or defiant. There may be something underneath the behavior that needs attention.
How Does Social Media Make Your Child Feel?
One of my favorite questions to ask is surprisingly simple: "How do you feel after you have been scrolling for a while?" Maybe they are feeling more connected, entertained, or even happy. They also could be feeling irritated, jealous, anxious, lonely, or even left out. I'm not looking for a specific answer. I just want them to stop for a minute and think about how scrolling is actually making them feel.
A student may not realize that they have been scrolling for an hour and comparing themselves to everyone they see until someone actually asks them about it. Even noticing that can give us something to talk about.
How Parents Can Help Kids Develop Healthier Social Media Habits
Look Beyond Screen-Time Limits
Screen-time limits can absolutely have a place in a family's routine. But I would encourage parents to look beyond the number. I usually encourage parents to look at what their child is actually doing online. Who are they talking to? What are they looking at? Have you noticed a change in their mood after they have been on their phone?”
The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services recommends creating healthy technology boundaries while making sure children still have opportunities for sleep, physical activity, relationships, and other important parts of life (Office of the Surgeon General, 2023).
Pay attention to how your child seems after they get off their phone. Their mood can tell you just as much as the amount of time they spent online.
Protect Your Child's Sleep
I have had students come to school completely exhausted, and eventually we get to the same conversation: they were awake way too late on their phone. They know they should have gone to bed. They just couldn't stop scrolling. "One more video" becomes another ten minutes. A message turns into a conversation. Then suddenly it is 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning.
Lack of sleep can make an already stressful day feel even harder. Kids need sleep to learn, regulate their emotions, and function at school. Families may need to experiment with what works for them. Charging phones outside the bedroom, having a set time when devices are put away, or creating a screen-free period before bed can all be reasonable places to start. You don't need to create the perfect technology rule. What matters is helping your child develop a routine where they can actually put the phone down and get some rest.
Talk About Social Media and Comparison
This is one of the biggest concerns I have when I see social media affecting a student's confidence. A picture might show a great vacation, a perfect outfit, or a fun night with friends, but kids don't see everything that happened outside of that picture. They are seeing one small part of someone else's life and comparing it to their own. I might ask a student, "Are you comparing your real life to someone else's highlight reel?" It can be that exact question that can make students stop and think.
Research has suggested that the relationship between social media and mental health is complicated and does not affect every young person in the same way. Individual differences and the way social media is being used matter (Valkenburg et al., 2022). It is important to remind kids, that what they see online is only a small piece of someone's life.
Set Boundaries Without Making the Phone the Enemy
I understand why this can turn into an argument at home. You've asked your child five times to put the phone away. They say, "One second." Ten minutes later, they're still scrolling. Eventually, everyone is frustrated. Set those boundaries as a parent. Our kids need them. I've found that these conversations can go a little differently when kids understand why the boundary is there.
As a parent try connecting your boundaries to what you are actually concerned about with your child. An example can be, “I understand your friends are important to you however you have been staying up really late scrolling on your phone and the next day you are exhausted. I think we should try to figure out a way together for you to still stay connected with your friends without it affecting your sleep.”
There may still be consequences and disagreements, and that's okay. Kids aren't always going to agree with our boundaries. What I want them to understand is that the boundary is there because we care about what is happening with them, not because we want to take away something they enjoy.
You Don't Have to Understand Every App
I'll be honest. I don't always understand what kids are talking about online. A new app appears. There's a new trend. A joke that made sense yesterday is apparently already old news. You don't have to understand every part of your child's online world to be interested in it. Ask your child what they are watching, what apps they are interested in, what they enjoy about them, or have they seen anything on there that made them feel uncomfortable.
Before jumping in with a lecture, take a minute to actually listen to what your child is trying to tell you. I've had students share things with me that their parents didn't know were bothering them because they assumed an adult wouldn't understand. If a child's first response from an adult is, "That's why you shouldn't be on your phone," they may think twice before bringing the problem up again. You may not have an immediate solution, and that's okay. Your child may need you to listen before you try to fix the problem.
Look Beyond Social Media at the Whole Child
When I see a student who is struggling to put their phone down, I don't immediately assume the phone is the entire problem. I like to dig a little bit deeper and I want to know what they are getting from it. They could be connecting with friends, distracting themselves from something happening at school or at home, looking for reassurance, or simply trying to feel included. Social media may be part of the problem without being the whole problem.
This is why I encourage parents to look at the whole child instead of focusing only on screen time. A student dealing with anxiety, low self-esteem, stress, loneliness, or another concern may need more than a phone limit. They may need a safe person to help them understand what they are feeling and learn healthier ways to cope.
When to Consider Counseling for Social Media Anxiety
Spending a lot of time on social media doesn't automatically mean a child needs counseling. Kids have rough days. They get excited about new apps, argue with their parents, and push back when they don't like a rule. That's normal. What concerns me more is when those changes continue and start getting in the way of a child's everyday life.
Parents may want to consider professional support if they notice:
Significant changes in mood or behavior
Increasing anxiety related to social media
Withdrawal from friends or family
Major changes in sleep
Ongoing concerns about appearance or body image
Cyberbullying or online harassment
Extreme distress over likes, comments, followers, or online relationships
Losing interest in activities they used to enjoy
School problems connected to emotional distress or lack of sleep
Statements about hopelessness, self-harm, or suicide
If a child talks about wanting to die or hurt themselves, take it seriously and seek crisis or emergency support right away. A child does not have to be in crisis to benefit from having someone safe to talk to.
Helping Kids Build a Healthier Relationship With Social Media
I don't think completely removing social media is a realistic answer for most families. What I would rather see is kids learning to recognize how their online experiences are affecting them. If they consistently get off their phone feeling anxious, left out, or worse about themselves, that is worth paying attention to.
Followers, likes, views, and comments don't determine a child's worth. They don't tell us how kind someone is, what kind of friend they are, or how much they mean to the people around them. I want kids to know that a number on a screen never gets to decide how much they matter.
If social media has become a source of anxiety, low self-esteem, conflict, or emotional distress for your child, you don't have to figure it out alone. Compass Counseling and Associates can support children and families as they work through these challenges and develop healthier ways to cope.
Alyson Miller, MS
References
American Psychological Association. (2023). Health advisory on social media use in adolescence. https://www.apa.org/topics/social-media-internet/health-advisory-adolescent-social-media-use
Office of the Surgeon General. (2023). Social media and youth mental health: The U.S. Surgeon General's advisory. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.
Odgers, C. L., & Jensen, M. R. (2020). Annual research review: Adolescent mental health in the digital age: Facts, fears, and future directions. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 61(3), 336–348. https://doi.org/10.1111/jcpp.13190
Valkenburg, P. M., Meier, A., & Beyens, I. (2022). Social media use and its impact on adolescent mental health: An umbrella review of the evidence. Current Opinion in Psychology, 44, 58–68. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2021.08.017
